Unrequited Love

I am addicted to the pain of your unrequited love
So, I will hang on to you, to you, to you
Until death brings me out of my self-imposed slavery

What I can't have, I covet
Your love, your love...I desire it

I want all of you
But, with you, what would I do?
Nothing...Why do I let you consume me?
You mesmerize me

I enjoy the pain And prolong it
The sweet, sweet pain of unrequited love
My love, My love...I will never let myself feel love again

You take my joy away
You make my mind all mixed up
You make me need you
But it's nothing you'll ever admit t
o
So, we live a lie
And stay trapped in an alternate reality
And I keep hanging on to the hope that one day
You'll love me

Untitled

In life
Timing is not always right
I thought everything was aligned
and found out
it was the wrong time

I felt so pure
but I was soiled as hell
When I looked inside

I saw weak flesh
Crying to be fed
I have to take this trip alone
Am I selfish
Or discovering myself?

I have all of these ideals that I fail to conceptualize
I won't try anymore
I am still
Learning to "Be."

As I yield to The Way
I am humbled and at peace
I am aged and purified
(or maybe just petrified)

I am ready to experience
more joy in my life

Carmel

I went back that day we stood with bare feet in my garden
Next to the tree where I plucked a tangerine for you
placing a fresh blossom behind your ear
earthy clay between our interlaced toes

I fed you
and you licked the juice that dripped
from my palm to my fingers
never taking your eyes of my eyes

citrus bliss
I grabbed your wrist
honey laced butter kiss

fleshy floral fruit taste
tangerine oil essence floating in our air
burning sun fire
causing droplets of sweat to bead on your carmella skin

Your dewy complexion, blushing
My racing heart
Your copper kissed curls and coquettish laugh
My love, I want this back

Untitled

I am a love starved child
My needs are a bottomless pit
I am sickened with desperation
My deprivation runs so deep
Sometimes I wonder if I am really alive

Your love is so abundant, but I am whithering and empty
The rations are never enough
Still, I hang on to your love
Hoping that, somehow, you'll fill me up

Too much too fast could make my shrunken heart burst
So, I put my wall up
I don't know why you even try
To me, it all just feels like a real lie,
I wish it were true
But how could you love me and I love you?

My life doesn't work that way
Sounds much too easy
You must really hate me
And want to hurt me
I am sure, right now, you are laughing at me

All I want is to reach for your hand
But terror fills me up, not love
I shrink back, wanting to disappear
I think to myself that you would never understand
The word "receive" scares me
That might mean I want to feel

Behind my warmth and openness
I am numb and incapable
So, forgive me, but this is all of "love" that I really know