Forever

I am back  

rooted firmly 

In my home 

I try to compose myself 

To reconcile 

I have missed myself too long 

I have rested in your love 

you have recovered me 

so many times, so many times 

You are my soul swelling 

You are my art forming 

You are my love making 

You are my jewel, my fortune 

You are my bounty, my harvest 

It's always been you 

Together, we sow and reap 

Together, we cry 

Together, we seek 

We will always be forever.

Self-Portrait.

I see you in all of your freedom 

I see you in all of your glory 

and I wonder what happened to me 

I reflect, ruminate 

Do I not know 

This person I have known for all my life? 

I look deep inside 

The mirror that you are 

To see what I have left 

I do not feel brave 

I do not feel feminine  

I do not feel beautiful 

I am more 

I am powerful 

This is who I am. 

Thank you for reminding me.

Futility

It is with great pain I admit my capacity for compassion Due to the deficit I feel For myself

If there are "powers that be" I would say to them "You're wasting all you have, You unproductive, useless Incompetent Fucks"

No man is an island Yet I'm abandoned My child is abandoned In our greatest hour of need

Too bad I'm not Jesus For I know God didn't forsake Him

Still, I can get still I know who I am I fight a futile fight Rather than believe all that life has show me about myself

Where is my peace? It is in the in between moments That I deny real life and my dreams of escaping it

What is the next chapter? Nothing is reliable This I know Nothing is safe

It's been proven Over and over again

So I will continue wilting Until I am beneath ground Composted beyond recognition Of all the false promises that were spoken into me

Birth and death Are my only Absolutes

This, I already knew

Untitled

What is important to me?

I have lost 
So much - so many The Ends
To grieve 

Every breath
Comes from
The deep

Sometimes I wish
I didn't know so much

I strive to live a life
of Love
To feel 
To heal
To embrace what is real

That is what matters to me -
Authenticity. 

I Think Too Much

Oh God, how sick I am

I mourn the fact 

My heart doesn't ache

With inner angst

There is no extreme pain

To complain about

In this moment

Where does that leave me?

Such complacency isn't so becoming 

So what will I create 

To ensure that things

Are kept interesting? 

I ponder about 

Giving things a rest

What would it look like

If I gently tucked myself into the comfortable fold that has been offered to me so graciously 

If I let things lie

Would that be something different

Is that the new real

Or same thing all over again?

Love Affair

It's been so long since I've spent

The time alone with you that you deserve

I was out on a drive
Under a blanket of thin clouds, with gentle beams shining through
Pondering how much I expect
You to read between my lines

Enclosed by grassy hills,
Only the horizon ahead
The road converging right before me
I missed you

In my words, there I left
Something out
With them being so few
I'm elusive

I forget how important they are
Like tiny droplets
Before a turbulent storm
Meaningful signs of bittersweet magic

I labor
So you may know the pleasure of being born

Falling

I'm falling 

Hard 

For you 

This time

You are mine

All mine

Not like Before

More

It's now more 

Of me

More of you

And me 

Our kiss, new

Like two

Eager discover

The other 

No longer polite

We take

Everything free

And safe

I don't dread old age

With your hand

I hold 

Your place

Untitled

You would think
There would be
So much Hope
On my Horizon

In my Awareness
I uncover new levels
Of cynicism and isolation
I've seen more
than most are willing

In all honesty
I'm grateful
I can say
In all honesty

That is something.

I appreciate
The knowing
The seeing
The feeling

I  will keep on
going
and going
and going

If there is just One
who chooses to come
along with me
I will keep counting days