Loss

Leaving you behind me
Has caused me to notice things


The sun still sets 
Floral hues shine brighter
I pause more 
When you're gone


I listen 
Music moves me to tears again
I stand in awe of beautiful things
Living life humbles me


I want to feel
Even when I don't choose to
I feel 


The loss of my old friend
How do I mourn thee
I don't


I am not sorry
I did not say goodbye
I had to go and you know it
With you I die


I will never
Forget 
You


I choose life
Freedom 
Vulnerability 


I am now safe
From you
I no longer cling to you
To fill every need


I no longer run, hide, strive
Negotiate, wrestle, lie...
With you


I just be
I just BE
Me

Introspection

What my day is filled with
Seems so often to be
Nothing of significance
Although I know better

I feel so many things
Most of all an urge to obsess
And wonder why I am not higher
Functioning

My life nearly half over
If I am lucky

What have I become
Who have I become
…is it something to be proud of?

So many think of me so fondly
So they say
So it would seem
That it is true

Why do I not see what they see
I know too much
Or too little - not enough

I am not humble
Just ignornt

I keep searching
But my attention span is short
For things I do not enjoy
Realities, flaws and truth

The mirror
I face it
I see so many vying for attention
A young woman and old woman
A teenaged boy
A crying baby
A clown, a sloth, a monster and a fairy

What will I do with this information I gather
It has been done already
The End

First Kiss

That first kiss
We shared

In the backseat of a car
Or a basketball court
In front of the latte place

You were there
And I was there

Under a fort of covers
At the drive-in movies
Nestled in a beach cave

In my dreams

Where our music flowed
Poems of love
Rewrote my life

One Constant

Who you are
Keeps me

Our Kiss

I love your lips
Slightly parted, and moist

They remind me of my pussy

I kiss them
Ravenously

Close

I want to be alone
Alone with my addictions
Alone with my writing
Alone to indulge myself


I delve deeper into
My selfish thought life
With no accountability
No restrictions,

Only my imagination
Can bind me

And I am bound

I’ve been jaded… jailed
Don’t care about people anymore
Don’t care to bother with those
Who couldn’t fathom me
Who can’t handle me

Don’t care to trust
Evermore anymore

I met Love before - maybe once or twice
It’s elusive, fleeting, a feeling
in this catastrophe of a world
there are no kept promises
Nothing "forever"

There are The Heathens and The Beggars and The Prostitutes
The Lonely, the Shameful
The Children: fearful and neglected - needy
we are all them

　
And these are my words of optimism

untitled

The haze in the air
Hovers over me
Pressing me
oppressing me

I am lifted into another reality
Free from the confines
Of my body

We make love
In the space between us

The air
The light
Is our love

the time
the distance
is our love

the nostalgia
our youth
is our love

every perception
every reality
everything
is our love

Now what lingers
Is our fragrance

Satisfied mouths
sweat-drenched bodies
Tired and trembling
Drunk on eachother

We rest
In our love
　

　

Mad Woman

Who am I to you?
destructive and dark
a fairy princess
Dragon?
Your dog?
If I am your dog,
You are my cat.

You only see the good
In me
You only pour goods
Into me

Smoke and mirrors
Smoke and mirrors
Elusive
Illusions

Who's the bitch now?

untitled

You are cruel
To me
Teasing me

Rejection thrills me
I take what I want
Never politely

You know
You’ve always known
Me
To be insatiable

Now, my heart is cold for you
You have hardened me
it’s time for your punishment
There will be no mercy

writhe in agony, little girl
Face your destruction
Like a man

Do you enjoy the
humiliation and suffering?

That was not my intention.